I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
barbara walters just said penis...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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