Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
