It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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