Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
