Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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