Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
