Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
