when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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