Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
