we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
