i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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