I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
