she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
