Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There was a lot of him and a little penis
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
