i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
