I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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