There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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