My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
