i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My vagina is officially offended.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
