I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
