Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
