Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
