I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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