she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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