they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
