Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
