Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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