Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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