All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
