Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
