What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
