I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
