im drinking this country out of the recession.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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