Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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