You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
