to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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