Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
