I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
