Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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