Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
