in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
