hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
