First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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