My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
