So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
