Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
