I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
