If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
