"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
