I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
