a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
