guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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