two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
