remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
