porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
